Testimony 2

Saying  “No” in order to say “Yes”  to God

This was one of the most difficult obstacles for me. I am convinced of its truth though. God needs time with you. You need time with God.  You could cram your days with every conceivable job or duty and you would never be finished.  Trying to avoid guilt can be a temptation. “I have to do a holy hour but I should visit Jim. He will be disappointed if I don’t call up this week (We are assuming here that Jim has loads of friends visiting him, he is not very ill and the lady wants to be perceived as caring). 

Prayer is not a luxury. The ideal time, place, noise levels, solitude rarely presents itself unless you have a certain amount of control over your environment.  Its wonderful if you have a comfortable, quiet place to pray. It’s a great help if you have a set time free every day but it is not necessary. God himself enables you if you continue to ask.  The Ignatians in the first group have done their examen or steps of it waiting in the G.P.’s, in petrol forecourts, while looking out car windows on long journeys.  

Tend towards silence. To hear God we must listen. A lot of noise is just background carnage. The Examen can be done against almost any backdrop but we can also accommodate the examen by not watching that extra half hour of T. V. by turning off the radio on a car journey. By leaving active family rooms and disappearing for half an hour or so. You will get what you give. 

Writing the Examen 

I wrote the examen.  It held me more accountable. It became an act then as well as a prayer. I got great satisfaction fromwriting out the examen. It helped my focus and deepened my relationship with God. I could pour my thoughts out on the page. Whatever it is about writing, a mystery often transpires along the route from brain to hand. Oftentimes I found myself documenting thoughts that I hadn’t been aware I’d beenthinking.  I was surprised at what emerged. I had a number of epiphanies via the examen during the year: aspects of my character such as my relationship with God, why I did certain things, faults, yes, but also strengths I should be aware of, and thankful for.

I went everywhere with pens and notebook exploiting time pockets. 

Its easy to lapse into treating  the examen as a chronology of daily events. It’s first and foremost a spiritual encounter with the Lord. I used to write “Where did I encounter God today?”as a subtitle after Review . This helped me keep my focus and cut to the heart of the matter. The examen trains us to open our minds and hearts to the wonders and goodness of God in everyday life. 

Sometimes as the examen progresses the steps can overlap or blur.  It’s not something to worry about.  Sometimes yousuddenly find yourself so grateful for something that occurred to you that day when you are actually at step 5 : Renewal:  doucument it anyway.

As the retreat progresses  you may find yourself spontaneously in the examen giving thanks, experiencing an overflow of gratitude or having a key insight into an aspect of renewal that you feel actuely. This is good!

You are on retreat as you go about your life in the world. Be happy, the Holy Spirit is with you helping you.

There could be significant changes. Certain things that happened in the past that I viewed as mega disasters changed to become God’s infinite mercy and Divine Providence in action.  I had lots of “Phew!” moments in the thirty weeks as I had in fact been preserved from disaster.

If you have an image of Jesus it might be a good idea to take it out to remind you who you are spending time with.  This was helpful for me when I was reluctant, not in the greatestmood or if the examen was in danger of becoming akin to a daily task.

Speak to others about the examen, what it is, how it is helping, even difficulties you may be having with it. It doesn’t have to be a member of the group, though you should speak with them in any case. This is how the examen came alive for me. When you talk about it and share Ignatian ideas, teachingsand moments you are incorporating it into your life and the lives of others. It has to be used and applied practically. 

Encourage one another. Pray for Fr. John. Pray for your fellow “Ignatians”

Persevere, please keep going, even if you feel nothing . There will always be good and bad weeks or days. Don’t be hard on yourself God will give you grace and you will be enlightened.